Air Force One Redesign Reveals Snow Job, Whitewash

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Alexander Crouton-Skitch
Alexander Crouton-Skitch
Just because times have changed, doesn't mean I have to.

WASHINGTON DC— Newly released details for the planned redesign of Air Force One were revealed today, and include improved snow and ice removal systems and extensive aesthetic changes, featuring a bolder scheme.

White’s at the top, blue’s at the bottom, and a red streak goes right down the middle, according to budget documents submitted by the Pentagon.

Currently serving former Fox News producer and this season’s White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnany briefed reporters at a recent press conference.

“As we in the West Wing have known for quite some time, the President is an expert at aviation.  Often times, this president has actively taken over controls.  His bare-knuckled approach is a thrill ride for everyone allowed onboard.”

The last redesign for the presidential aircraft occurred in May 1962, spearheaded by then President John F. Kennedy.

Kennedy reportedly sat on the Oval Office floor with crayons and scissors, cutting out new design ideas on paper.

“As luck would have it,” said McEnany, “there are plenty of crayons available in the Oval Office which will save taxpayer dollars!”

Melania Trump, whose original style is said to reflect that of Jacqueline Kennedy, reportedly offered suggestions on the new look, based on original designs used for the former Trump Shuttle airline fleet, which operated from 1989 to 1992.

The budget for the new Air Force One is reportedly $3.9 billion.

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