Arkansas Senator Tells Detractors To Pick Cotton

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Arkansas Senator Tells Detractors To Pick Cotton

LITTLE ROCK, AR— Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton shifted into damage control mode, after facing backlash over recent comments calling slavery a "necessary evil," and...
Alexander Crouton-Skitch
Alexander Crouton-Skitch
Just because times have changed, doesn't mean I have to.

LITTLE ROCK, AR— Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton shifted into damage control mode, after facing backlash over recent comments calling slavery a “necessary evil,” and pushing for federal funding cuts to schools that include The New York Times’s 1619 Project curriculum.

“Even a penny is too much to go to the 1619 Project in our public schools,” said Cotton.

“The senator’s comments are not meant to alienate or denigrate any one group, but are based on the founding father’s core beliefs,” said a Cotton spokesperson.

‘Go Pick Cotton!’ the senator’s new campaign slogan, was unveiled during a recent ZOOM press conference from Cotton’s family hunting camp, Peckerwood.

“Ginning up knowledge and energizing the electorate is an eternally burning flame and should never be extinguished,” said Cotton, admitting that the criticism now has become “his cross to bear.”

Cotton’s fourth great grandfather, slaveowner Jesse Hackney Cotton, moved the family to rural Arkansas in 1861.

“That was a coon’s age ago,” said Cotton, “and we were happy to provide employment, housing and food for the many generations of associates and well documented family members who in fact, became just like members of the family.  Why, some of them were our best friends!”

“For the future of Arkansas, the nation, and all who know their place in history, Pick Cotton!” said the junior Arkansas senator.

“Tell your family to go Pick Cotton!  Tell your friends to go Pick Cotton!  Tell your neighbors to go Pick Cotton!  Pick Cotton now, Pick Cotton tomorrow, Pick Cotton forever!”

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