Bean Shortages Reported After Trump Spills Them On Twitter

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Alexander Crouton-Skitch
Alexander Crouton-Skitch
Just because times have changed, doesn't mean I have to.

International commodity markets report sharp downturns in bean futures and blame Donald J. Trump’s tweets for worldwide shortages and domestic supply and demand disruptions.

Financial analyst Bernie Milagro reports:

“The once relatively steady legume market has become unbalanced, with violent behavioral ups and downs now predominant indicators of current and future performance.

These shifts have a direct correlation to revelatory social media content contained in Twitter account postings belonging to @realdonaldtrump. The more beans spilled, the greater the demand, leading to production shortfalls and highly destructive international market fluctuations.”

“On the plus side,” says Milagro, “laughing stocks have gone through the roof.”

Financial and mental health experts note that content associated with @realdonaldtrump’s Twitter account is often colored with psychological projection, a defense mechanism indicated by the fragile ego’s denial of nauseatingly unfavorable traits within itself, with attributions of the same or similar vulgar, often churlish characteristics heaped upon others, further indicated by frequent misspellings, unknown words, and deplorable usage and grammar.

“In essence,” added Milagro, “the more he tweets, the more he toots.”

Bean markets also recently slid down the chute after GOYA CEO Robert Unanue heaped praise on Donald J. Trump.

Worldwide recovery estimates cannot be predicted at this time, but a clearer picture may emerge after November, 2020.

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